Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Hello Kitty and first Chemo

My last post was about signs and this one is very similar.  I am a firm believer of signs.  They show up when we least expect them and often times when we do. Unfortunately, many of us fail to see them, because are lives have become too distracted with work stress and daily life.  However, when we truly take the time, the signs are always there.  Some are subtle and some bop you over the head with a big rubber mallet.  Yesterday was my first chemo injections, and I asked my angels to be especially close to me that day.  My husband and I were sitting in the doctor's office when he exclaimed, "There is a feather on the floor!"  Sure enough, he picked up a tiny white feather and handed it to me.  I quickly put it in a safe place and acknowledged in gratitude that my prayer was heard. The last week has been filled with wonderful signs and miracles, which have further strengthened my faith in my connection to the higher realms, but also my existence here as a very lucky spiritual being having an earth bound existence.  How can having breast cancer or any cancer for that matter make you feel lucky?  Allow me to explain. After the initial shock of my diagnosis, I experienced all the emotions one would expect.  I cried for days.  I immediately pictured the worst and thought I had to make arrangements for my family so they would know how to do all the things I do when I couldn't anymore.  While this sounds incredibly  morbid, I can assure you it is a natural reaction that harkens back to our cavemen brains.  In the simplest forms, we function from our root chakra and react from the fight or flee mentality.  There is no stay in and see what happens.  That is something that is learned over time and not taught.  Once I moved past my reptilian brain (no offence to reptiles), I decided that what I really wanted to do was stay in it and see what happens.  All my life I tried to control the outcome of every who, what, what, why or when situation.  I never thought of myself as a control freak on the outside, but I was definitely one on the inside.  I surrendered to this cancer and the possibility that I just didn't need to know what would happen in the end, but that along the way, I would learn a great deal about myself, others, the world and maybe, just maybe, I would be presently surprised by it all.  So far, that decision has lifted me up in ways I can only scratch the surface on verbally.

I have developed a deeper understanding of friendship, love and healing through connections with others.  If I could give one piece of advice to anyone going though this is, do not isolate yourself. You need laughter, hand holding, prayers of support, those that hold you and let you cry or laugh with you over silly things.  You need to talk about it.  You need to scream about it. You need to let others do for you.  It's all okay.

Connect with your higher self.  This can take you far.  I've always been a spiritual person, but never more so than now.  I realize this is true for most people.  We find our Spiritual center is the darker times more often than the happier ones.  That's okay, but just remember that whatever you believe in, that CENTER never leaves you.  For me, I began to shed off years of dogma that God (the Universe-whatever you choose to call it) was somehow separate from me and that in order to connect with this energy, I needed to follow a set of doctrine.  I do not mean to disparage anyone else's belief system. Each to his own if it brings you to your Dharma, and Spiritual center of peace and wholeness. Once I made the connection that the divine spark of the creator was in me and each one of us, I realized that I had more strength and healing ability than I ever imagined.  This is not coming from an ego standpoint.  I can assure you that this revelation filled me with intense love.  A star was placed on my forehead that day.

So, I began by making changes in how I spoke to myself.  I used words that were for my most highest and positive good.  I've always talked about destructive self talk and how it does not serve our highest purpose.  Now, I am so consciously aware of it that I wish to pass on some of the miraculous discovers I have found to others.  I begin each morning with my feet flat on the floor and use the most powerful worlds we have....I AM.  After these two words I say, I am the divine spark of the highest creator, everything is possible through this creator, as I am possible, because I am apart of it and it created me.  The creator is strong, therefore I am strong, the creator is healthy, therefore I am healthy and so on and so on.  You can add anything you want, words such as, abundance, disease free, healing, loved, blessed, etc.  I always end in gratitude.  When I find myself drifting to a dark part of myself, I draw back my attention to the mighty I AM presence.  I also finish my day this way. Does it work?  Yes!  And let me share a few things to prove it to you.

Since I began these daily mantras, I have noted a marked change in the way I look and feel.  I feel stronger and healthier.  I look at the word very differently and forgive a great deal more than I would have in the past.  I have seen miraculous things come my way.  I had to be tested for the BRACA gene due to the type of cancer I have and the results came back negative.  This was wonderful news and I dropped to my knees in gratitude. For those unfamiliar with the BRACA gene, it is a gene that if carried, makes one highly susceptible to breast cancer again as well as uterine cancer.  I also just completed an MRI on my liver, because of high enzyme levels, which have coincided with my breast cancer.  We were all quite nervous that the cancer had spread to my liver, as it is one of the major organs it can move to. I am overjoyed to announce that the results came back excellent.   Thank you, I am blessed.

Does positive attitude and affirmations have everything to do with it?  No, but I do believe it has a great deal to do with it.  We only use a very small portion of our brains and life is energy.  Everything is energy.  Einstein proved this.  So keep pushing for the good thoughts, visualize the ending outcome when you say the words, I am strong, I am healthy, I am cancer free!  Remember, when you make yourself I and your creator you, there is no freedom or manifestation.  Connecting the two and realizing that you are both I as in I am is the key to healing and freedom.

Here I am after my port catheter surgery on Friday 2/6.  Me and Hello Kitty roaring like girls!

I had my first chemo (first of 16) on 2/11.  So far so good.  I'm not nauseous (thanks to good meds) and I'm sitting here writing to all of you.  

Thank you for sharing this journey with me.  Be in faith, love, and know that miracles happen when you look up, but especially when you look within.

Much love,
Trisha Leigh