The last two months have been jammed packed with activity and I am only now getting a chance to sit down and blog. Actually, I have no choice but to take a moment, as I threw my back out recently and my activity is at a minimum. October was a very busy month with two very successful shows and many marching band events for my son. Halloween and Thanksgiving have come and gone. The news is jam packed with politics, the Syrian refugee crisis and the great red cup debate. Much is going on around me, but now, as I sit alone in a quiet house, I cannot but sink deep into my thoughts. I have much to be grateful for this holiday season. I have been blessed with the precious gift of life. The other day I began thinking about having had cancer and how one year has passed since I discovered a lump in my breast. It was around the time of my 45th birthday. This coming January, I will have my first mammogram since my surgery and cancer free diagnosis this past May. There are times where I feel outside of myself and that all that I and my family experienced was lifetimes ago. There are times when it seems like yesterday. I also have moments where I feel like it never happened. I guess that would be hard to understand unless you have actually experienced it. Perhaps, this is the strange way of coping with it all. I know it all had a purpose. Everything does. Sometimes, I feel that I'm understanding why this all happened and that I am living from a place of peace. Then, I have days where I feel completely disconnected from my Soul and find myself behaving from my ego, sweating the small stuff and worrying about trivial things that I should have released long ago. When this happens, I feel tremendous guilt that I am somehow not honoring all that I have been though and the gift that the Divine has given to me. I feel that as a survivor, I should transcend earthly desires and headaches, and operate at a higher level. That is when I have to remind myself that I am only human. My biggest struggle as it has always been is to be present. Cancer made me present. I had no choice. I could only live each day as if there were no guarantees. Now, I find myself looking toward the future more and more in an attempt to manifest, while in reality, all that I can manifest is today. All I can do is trust that all of my needs and my family's needs are being met in perfect, Divine timing. I was able to trust so wholeheartedly during the journey. I had to. It was as if I were clinging to a branch, fearing the fall, but knowing it was strong enough to hold me. I have moments where I want to fly, moments where I can't seem to control my thoughts and emotions, and every world leaks out of my mouth before I've had time to self-check if it is appropriate. I am me. I am completely authentic and unafraid. Perhaps, that is what I needed to learn. I'm not sure. I am certain of one thing. I am grateful. I am grateful for all that has passed and all that is yet to come. I am grateful to my dear husband, who held me up when I feared I would fall. He has loved me unconditionally and through the hell of cancer. I know that he will love me though anything. Thank you, Andy. I am grateful to my son for his strength and beautiful spirit. I am grateful to my family, neighbors and friends who supported me through my journey, who prayed for me, who made me laugh and went above and beyond for me. I am truly blessed by all of you. I grateful to my guides, angels and the Universe for all that you have taught to me and all that you still teach me. Gratitude is where I wish to remain, for in gratitude, I have all that I could ever need. In gratitude, I am blessed.