Thursday, January 22, 2015

I AM...the journey begins

WIP~I am
(c) 2015 Trisha Leigh Shufelt

And so the journey begins...

Actually, I have been heading towards this journey for a very long time.  I just didn't know it until now.  I apologize for the long absence.  My intention when I started this blog was to showcase my art and provide daily and weekly oracle card readings.  I didn't know it would soon be a place where I would share my journey though cancer.  I debated long and hard about sharing this very private part of myself.  I had people tell me I shouldn't and those that encouraged me. Finally, I decided to try and put my feelings into words.  I did so, because of the outpouring of support I received from so many people who are in or have been in the same situation.  Their journey has inspired me and given me such strength that it is my hope to pass it on.  And so it begins...

Shortly after the New Year, I went for a routine Mammogram, which picked up a lump in my right breast.  I've always been prone to cystic breasts and didn't think much of it, as breast cancer does not run in my family.  I went for the biopsy.  I was nervous, but still convinced that all would be well. January 9th came and my doctor said the words I never thought I would hear, you have breast cancer. I began shaking uncontrollably.  I could barely speak, as she patiently explained my diagnosis, next steps, etc.  Everything in my mind shut down, and all I could think of was my family. I had gone to the doctors by myself, completely convinced all would be well.  Now, I had to tell my husband, my mother and father...oh, dear God, I had to tell my son.  I don't know how I drove home.  I got in the car and sobbed.  I wasn't angry. I am still not angry.  I was scared.  The first person I spoke with was my mother.  My mother is one of the strongest women I have ever known.  I know she doesn't see herself that way, but she is.  She told me, I will beat this, and I agreed.  I will beat this!  I am beating this!  The last couple of weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions, as I struggled to comprehend the road ahead.  However, in the midst of all of it, I have found such comfort and strength from the love and support of my husband, family, neighbors, friends and women who as I said, have been on or are currently on this journey.  I am blessed in so many ways and I see this as an opportunity for growth.  I have always believed that everything happens for a reason.  You can look at a situation and ask, why me, or you can look at it and say, what can I learn from this?  I am learning something new everyday.  I am learning to let go, be fearless, stand tall, be strong, appreciate the now, look at the world with new eyes, not get worried about the small stuff, and to see the beauty in everyone and everything.  I have always believed in this type of philosophy, but believing and doing are two different things.  I am embracing my mighty I AM presence with the knowledge that I am the spark of the Divine.  I have within me all that I need to heal.  I was created from love.  I was meant to be whole, healthy, and abundant.  I see this as an opportunity to help others as well as myself.  I will beat this!  I am beating this!  But, most importantly, I am making peace with this. I hope you will journey with me.  I may not post everyday, as I once had, but I will post the rawest and most honest part of myself.

Here I AM!
With much love and light,
Trisha Leigh